Short Story: Time To Say Goodbye!
Days can be as peaceful as quiet evenings and as chaotic as the moving storm. I think the same is the case with goodbyes. A goodbye can be painful and beautiful.
I never knew I would be here ….. life was already difficult for me before him. He came and suddenly, it changed. The peace embraced me and I loved its presence. Now, it is becoming more of a headache again. It has become difficult to understand him, to be honest. Before him, I used to analyze everything from entirely different perspectives and now all I can think is that our relationship is the cause of every bad thing that is happening to me.
He didn’t know what I felt when he left, he should have known. He should have! It was a big fight. I cursed him, he listened and only listened. After the fight, he made the decision to leave me. His decision to bade me goodbye was not right, obviously. But he says that my harsh words forced him to do so. Well, I strongly disagree with him. He hurt me and I cannot even use harsh words to explain my feelings and his disregard for me!
Long story short, We got back together. He later asked me why was I so much angry with him. Since he cannot read my unsaid words, I told him. He again listened and listened carefully. That’s the thing, he only listened. Neither did he utter any word nor did he care to explain why he left me. After a lot of pauses, he told me that he was unable to understand my behavior. He told me and I quote: ”I did not leave you, I just went with my friends to have lunch. And If I left, as you say, I have done it multiple times. You never reacted this way. Tell me honestly what is bothering you.” So, I lied and told him that a demon from my past had possessed my brain. Therefore, I got angry. He sighed and said: “ Share it with me.” How could I share when there was nothing to share? I lied and he even could not see through me. I love him so much that I can tell what he thinks when he is unable to give voice to his thoughts. He says he loves me too then, how come can he believe that I am not lying? I lie because I do not want to tell him the right reason, now.
I remember that at the start of our relationship, he used to express so much love through his words, and I was never impressed or happy with his affectionate words. Later, his words gifted peace and happiness to me. Now that I have become habitual of his words full of love, he has stopped using them. Now that I am with him, it seems that he was more true when he was a friend to me for I find his love only caged in words. He takes care of me and maybe he takes care of others in the same way…but I’m not sure…to be honest…. Besides this, I don’t expect him to know everything about me unsaid…but this wasn’t something he couldn’t read.. LOGICALLY thinking, he knew what was wrong!!! Yet he still chose not to apologize.
Today, I did something wrong…the moment I did, I knew that I had done something really wrong…not with only him but with myself too. I expected him to forgive me and move on. He forgave me but kept on taunting me. Why? After the real fight, I never repeat any word that will create an aura of suffocation for any of us. On the contrary, he taunts and never avoids any word that can hurt me. He did the same today. I did WRONG, I know that and I am sorry as well. I learned the lesson too. What else can I do ??? But no, he has to show he is a man after all.
Time and again, I am starting to think that all compromises will be from my side. I would have to keep quiet for he can only play with words and deserves to win. Maybe because he is the man. The man who always wants peace and thinks that his logic and reasonable argument are reasonable for all. He believes that he is right for he is logical and I am the opposite. How will I handle this? I am starting to get tired of us.
He seemed so different when we first met. He used to love me and prioritize me above everything. Now that we are together, he prioritizes his work over me. Before getting indulged in his work, he asked for my permission to do so. I always allowed and he never understood that I needed him to choose me over his work.
But, now I am all tired and exhausted. Maybe it is time to say goodbye to each other….
